Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am mentally ready for anal.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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