We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
