Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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