Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
