im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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