**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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