I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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