I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you had me at cake vodka
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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