I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
