the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
