We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
