My balls are so social today.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
