Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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