Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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