chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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