i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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