the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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