How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
