4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
