It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
