i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
