Don't you send me to vm
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
