you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
