John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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