Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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