Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
