I wish I only lived at night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
