forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
