the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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