His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
