I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
