I just gift wrapped bread.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
