no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
