My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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