Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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