Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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