Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
