You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
