Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
