hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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