Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
