my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
