Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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