Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hell yes lets make some ravioli
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
