im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
