I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
