is your mom at the bar?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
