Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
