I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We talked him into tasing himself.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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