I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Damn victory sex feels great
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
