I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
