My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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